How I Told My Partner About The Crossdressing Side of Me

“This is how I told my partner if you’re interested.”. – AMY

Self acceptance :
Below are notes I used to tell my partner. I found writing everything down in bullets and starting at the beginning helped give context. Double breaks were for me to pause.

I waited until we were relaxed and we were in a safe space to be vulnerable. Put a candle on and some chill music, just sitting looking at each other on the couch.

•  I want to talk about this cross dressing side of me. This is about me and acceptance of this side of me, being honest about my self and the journey of discovery. I cried writing this and I hope it comes across the right way.
•  If at any point this becomes too much we can stop, I know this might be a lot and I’ve tried to craft the best way to tell you this I can think of.
•  I’ve been wanting to tell you this ever since we met. I think about telling you all the time. It’s not just you, I’ve been wanting to tell myself this side of me is ok for my entire life. This has been a part of me that I’ve been ashamed of – hidden from everyone.

• Started when I was about 6, would try to convince others in pre-school day care to wear dresses with me. I remember running around day care in a dress, I don’t even remember what it looked like, I just remember wanting it to be normal and realizing it’s not.
• Growing up I would have this fascination with girl clothes, like cute dresses, platform shoes, makeup.
• I had no real desire to be girly full time though, like I didn’t want Barbies or anything I just really liked how expressive and pretty female clothing was, like I just wanted to wear that.

• Stole lots of clothes from drama department in school. I remember this fairy-tale costume I stayed late after class and shoved it into my bag when no one was looking. I rushed home, heart racing and couldn’t wait to put it on.
• Would steal clothes from like target or buy clothes on eBay, hide them under my bed.
• I would wear and stretch out my mum’s shoes, they were 3 sizes too small for me but I squeezed in, she obviously knew someone was stretching out her shoes in hindsight.
• Mum/dad would find these crossdressing treasure troves and throw them away every few years, but we’d never talk about it so it just taught me to get better at better at hiding.

• Discovered browsing the internet this is called a sissy fetish, getting off on crossdressing – usually dressing like a little girl – super frilly dress, lots of pink – which I enjoy but do lean towards sexier stuff now.
• Would sometimes consider transitioning but never felt like I wanted to be a full-time girl, I enjoy being male – and I still feel that way, there’s elements where I want to be more feminine but not in a permanent state.
• This feeling would come and go and every cycle I would buy some clothes, wear them for a bit, get over it and throw them away.
• The term for this is purging and is really common I found out recently.
• I did this while we were together, every couple of years or so, Would hide stuff in the garage or whatever.
• You probably found hints of it over the years, hiding it is difficult and annoying.
• It would come and go in waves but would always come back.

• I’ve been wanting to tell you about this sooner but I just don’t know how, it felt incredibly shameful. it’s such a hard thing to come to grips with, it’s sexually charged so you go through these shame spirals where it’s hard to know how much of a core person it is to you.
• I’ve told you little bits and pieces, like even telling you I like to crossdress was really hard and your responses have been nothing but supportive and I love you so much for that, buying me those clothes and heels honestly meant so much to me, thank you for being so patient while I figured this out.

• It’s all just an internal struggle of acceptance and nothing to do with you.
• After I stopped dating others, I had no interest in seeing other people and wanted to explore this side of myself more, I’ve always been very confused by this so I was like f*ck it, I have money, let’s explore it more, let’s see how far the rabbit hole goes.
• A big turning point was one night deciding to post something online I filmed of myself at like 2am, about July 2020.
• The catalyst for this was I was chatting on Tumblr to a random person and showed them a screenshot and they wouldn’t believe It was me, they called me a scammer and took a lot of convincing for them to believe that was me in the photo – I was confused at first then like, oh shit I guess I’m really attractive.

• The response from posting was pretty crazy, I added some tags like #sissy #crossdress not expecting much but it went viral on twitter – 1000 likes and 40 comments or something the next day I woke up – most comments were very lovely and supportive.
• I posted again and again every week or so, each one getting the same amount of engagement. I got to like 10k followers on twitter in a few weeks before getting shadow banned. It’s been growing slowly since then but I don’t really care.

• People would tell me comments how beautiful I am, how I’m like an inspiration to them on their journey. It kind of triggered this deep longing for this side of me to be noticed and accepted for this part of myself I’ve been really ashamed of.
• Over the last year or so I’ve grown a social following of about 60k combined across instagram, twitter and tiktok, posting images/videos of me dressing up – trying different styles and exploring this feminine side of myself.
• I got reposted by dollskills because I tagged an outfit of theirs.

• I feel like berlin was such a turning point in this side of me, I’ve never felt so free to be whoever I wanted to be, and desired by so many, and just accepted really.
• I made the leap after the girl dressed me up to show her my instagram and she was so excited, it was really scary to bridge that gap between my male self and this other side of me.

• I’ve been chatting to a pro Dom recently, to just like be a sounding board for what I’ve been going through, she’s very sweet and kind. After Berlin I pulled the trigger to meet where she created a safe space without any judgement. We did a little dress up and photo session which was really fun.

• I don’t know what this all means but I feel like I’m finally enjoying and accepting I have this side of me where I can be creative and this hot girl that can show off.
• If you’re ready I’d like to show you my Instagram.

“I showed my partner my Insta and she was very lovely and supportive, I’m slowly coming to terms with this side of myself” – AMY

▶ Follow AMY : https://linktr.ee/amybabygirl8