▶ Femme name: Deni
▶ Location: London, UK
▶ How long you have been crossdressing : As far as I remember I first tried when I was 12 or so. Started to think about it again when I was 24 and since then slowly grown up my own acceptance of this female part of my identity. Buying clothes and making photos for the last 10 years.
▶ Say something about your crossdressing experience: I started to feel strong desire to dress few years after getting married. I can’t say it was totally unexpected, but I thought I’m able to control and restrict this part of myself. Apparently I was wrong.
It was really difficult to find clothes and heels of the right size without going anywhere and asking directly back then. I was looking jealously into shop windows and it gave me almost physical pain. But one day when my wife was away I finally ordered a set of lingerie, a pair of heeled sandals and took that on.
I immediately understood that it was not the last time. So when my wife came back, after few days of bracing myself I told her about my dressing desire. Surprisingly she was ok with that, not excited but more like understanding and supporting. It was my own acceptance that became the main problem for the years to come. Since then I has been collecting the clothes and heels for dressing and for long time I had somewhat.
▶ Reason you crossdress: I’m asking myself this question from time to time. It started more like a sexually related desire, but it was likely due to how unacceptable and “dirty” it felt initially. Like many of us I was raised on multiple stereotypes of what man or woman is supposed or not supposed to do, say, wear etc. As I was slowly steering away from those and gaining acceptance of the female part of my identity, I started to mention that there is something more important for me in channeling my inner girl.
It’s still s*xually charged to certain extent somewhere in background, but the main reason is that certain parts of my character are simply locked without it. An ability to be attentive to people, to see and embrace beauty in them and the world around is in some way linked to the female part of my identity. And by uncovering it I’m becoming more complete as a person. And surprisingly more social.
▶ Things you like doing after getting dressed: Playing video games, watching movies and trying to feel like I’m just being me when I’m dressed.
I also worked remotely dressed few times (without switching camera on) and that helped a lot to gain confidence as I was still me doing my job well. In future I’d like to have few more professional dressing sessions to work on my style, learn how to do makeup and hope at some point make a step from the house. But we’ll see.
▶ Your favorite outfits/style: I’m absolutely obsessed with high heels and any clothes which displays my legs in the best way. So little black dresses, skater skirts and also tights jeans, hot pants and leggings will always compliment my outfit of choice. Speaking about style – it’s usually a nightclub or party style – elegant and sexy, but not without limits.
▶ Instagram: @deni_in_me